My body is Mine!

I came into this world as a bundle of joy for mommy and daddy.
I had no presumptions, no expectations or hopes. As a baby I liked being close to mommy and daddy, and I disliked strange aunties and uncles who always wanted to pinch my cheeks and pat me. ‘Oh looks at these cute cheeks!’, and ‘What cute chubby legs!’. And when I wanted nothing more than to nap, they wouldn’t leave my cheeks alone! If I had known how to speak, I would’ve told them to keep their hands off of me. But I didn’t yet know, and so I cried so my mommy/daddy would save me!

So came a time of crawling around and exploring, trying to climb and run around. With visitors I hid myself behind the couch or under the kitchen table (the big table cloth hid me well, or so I thought). Or sometimes I quickly slipped outside (no one would follow me there, not even for my cheeks).

Some guests were nice and I liked them a lot! Especially my uncle Rein who I high-fived many times, and if I wanted, he threw me into air and played with me. If I didn’t feel like it, he never poked at me – what a great uncle!

I also clearly remember some of my daddy’s friends, who came over to fix the car or dropped in for a chat. With their oily and ill-smelling fingers (which I now know were from smoking) they pinched my cheeks and pulled at my braid. Just for fun, they said. It wasn’t fun. My daddy should’ve told them off.

When I was a little bigger and tagged along with my grandma, one thing was for sure. She never let anyone pinch my cheeks, give me a peck or pat on my head. My grandma has always thought children do not need the constant pinching and patting, even by family. She always said ‘the child will come when they want!’ – a very smart granny!

Today I decide who to hug and who can touch me. I don’t go to just any hairdressers’, beauty salon or a doctor – I have chosen these people with care.

And all of the above is only a small part what parents can do to protect their children.

You know how hard it’s for me to watch when a child needs to apologise to another, and then adults say they need to hug and kiss to make up. Why are you punishing the child? Is the apology not enough?

It doesn’t matter if it’s a sister/brother, nursery mates or just children at the local playground. Every child has the right to decide whose hand they hold, who they give their kisses to and who has the right to touch them. And if the child has no mood for even mom’s or dad’s kisses/hugs in the morning, then they must not be forced. This only creates ill feelings in the child, as if they’re in the wrong for not accepting it.

I asked a 2.5-year-old yesterday if I could have a hug? The answer was: ‘You can hug my bunny if you want to!’ Her message was clear and this needs to be respected. A couple hours later she came to me and said: ‘Kadi, I want a hug!’ – and then of course she got all the hugs she asked for.

Even when choosing a stroller, I advise to get one where you can change the direction in which the child sits in. I prefer ones where the child’s facing me, with their back towards the moving direction. Why?
First – this lessens the chance that someone I know or a person in the public transport can pinch the child’s cheeks or touch them in any way.
Second – if the child is holding something or falls asleep, then I can see what’s going on and can make adjustments there and then, or even remove an object from their mouth.

Around 85% of the new parents I’ve spoken to say that they greatly dislike if someone touches their newborn or holds them too early on. They also feel bad when refusing requests to hold the baby, especially grandparents.

I have also written more about kissing babies and toddlers.
https://kadiandbabies.com/2017/10/08/dont-kiss-your-baby-on-the-lips/

https://www.itv.com/news/granada/update/2019-02-11/gran-warns-of-dangers-of-kissing-babies/?fbclid=IwAR1jndXj8HlNhXWzR2Q6-JxWUNg_Y_h-3ra8102tyrDsB1TnMJDRTu-B-_4

I’ve also expressed my opinion about uploading baby pictures to social media.
https://kadiandbabies.com/2019/07/22/posting-baby-and-toddler-photos-online/

NB! Photo is illustrative and is from the Internet.

Dear parents, please protect your children. Respect your child’s decision about who they wish to initiate contact with. Your child doesn’t yet know that their body is theirs, but you know!

#MyBodyBoundaries

Kadi

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posting baby and toddler photos online

(This article was originally published in December 2017 on Kadi and Beebid Facebook page)

Many months ago I started questioning how law protects children in terms of their photos being posted online. And I don’t mean professional family photoshoots or photos from their birthdays.

I speak of the nude baby/children photos. Whether it’s taken on a beach, during a water fight at home, eating on their own while wearing nothing, or bathing photos. There are so many ill people in the world, why give them the satisfaction and give your own child’s photos for them to take advantage of?

So I had a question – if someone else uses an adult’s photo on their social media, that could be identity theft, but what about children?

I spoke to web constable Maarja Punak, who commented on the situation in Estonia: ‘Both parents have the right to use their child’s photo until the child becomes an adult by law. That is not identity theft. It would only be an identity theft if an account is made with the child’s name and the social media page holds a suspicious value. But it is not prohibited if it has been done with parents approval.  However if an account with the child’s name and photos is made by a family relative, then that can be put forward as a case investigation.’

I asked if there’s any law to protect the child in these cases, to which web constable Punak replied: ‘Child protection regulations state that parents must act based on what is best for the child’s well-being. Naked baby photos are not illegal, although the taste and ethics can be questioned.’

Where runs the line between an ethical and an unethical photo? Should we perhaps keep some photos in our albums and not share these with the whole internet? What happens when the child becomes an adult, would they be proud of their parents and the posted naked baby photos?

Here I would like to remind everyone to please take great consideration before posting photos of your child online.

Kadi

Minu keha on Minu keha!

Sündisin siia ilma oma emme-issi rõõmuks.
Mul puudusid eelarvamused, ootused ja lootused. Beebina meeldis mulle emme-issi lähedus ja mitte see, et võõrad onud-tädid kogu aeg mind näppida tahtsid – pluti-pluti oi kui nunnu suurte põskedega beebi, oi kui mõnusad trullakad jalad või kui ma tegin vankris uinakut, siis röötsutasid Sa mulle vankrisse ja ikka pidid näperdama mu suuri põski! Kui oleksin osanud rääkida, siis oleksin öelnud:” KÄED EEMALE MINUST!”, kuna ma rääkida ei osanud, siis ma hakkasin lihtsalt nutma, et emme-issi mind päästma tuleks!

Kätte jõudis aeg kui hakkasin ringi roomama, tugede najal püsti ennast ajama ja ringi jooksma. Kui keegi meile külla tuli, siis kõigepealt oli alati mõtekas varjuda tugitooli nurga taha, köögis laua alla (suur laudlina varjas hästi laua all olijat, vähemalt nii ma arvasin) või vupsata kiirelt ukse vahelt õue (sinna ei hakkanud keegi järgi tulema, et põsest sikutada).
Mõned külalised olid toredad ning neid ootasin pikisilmi! Üks selline tore mees oli onu Rein, temale lõin mitu suurt patsu ja kui tahtsin viskas mind õhku ning mängis palligi. Kui mul tuju polnud, siis ta ise mind mitte kunagi torkima ei tulnud – vot kus tore onu!

Mäletan siiani väga eredalt kuidas vahel isal tulid mõned sõbrad, et autot putitada ja nii möödaminnes oma õliste ning paberossi järgi haisevate näppudega mind põsest tiriti või patsist tõmmati –  ikka nalja pärast noh. (minul ei olnud naljakas ja tegelikult oleks pidanud isa mind nende onkude eest kaitsma või ütlema neile midagi).

Siis kui juba suurem olin ja vanaemaga kuskile küla peale kaasa läksin, üks asi oli kindel, mitte kellelgi ei lasknud ta mind näperdada, notsutada, lutsutada, musitada, patsutada jne. Minu vanaema on alati olnud seda meelt, et lapsi ei ole vaja näperdada ning tema ütleb alati:” küll laps ise tuleb kui tahab!” –  Väga tark!

Täna otsustan ise keda kallistan ja kes tohib mind puutuda. Ma ei käi suvalise juuksuri, kulmutehniku või arsti juures – olen neid inimesi hoolikalt valinud. 

Ülaltoodu on vaid pisike osa sellest mille eest vanemad saavad oma lapsi kaitsta. 

Teate kui jube on vaadata kuidas laps peab teise lapse käest vabandust paluma ja siis öeldakse, et nüüd tee musi ja kalli ka. – mille eest te seda last karistate, et vabandusest lihtsalt ei piisa?!? Pole vahet kas tegemist on oma õe/vennaga, lasteaia kaaslasega või lihtsalt mänguväljakul mängivate lastega.

Igal lapsel on õigus otsustada kellel ta hoiab käest kinni, kellele ta teeb kalli ja ka seda kes võivad teda üldse puutuda. Juhul kui lapsel pole tuju hommikul ka oma ema-isa musi-kalli jaoks, siis ei tohi teda sundida ja tekitada halba enesetunnet kui ta nüüd ei torma sind kallistma-musitama. 

Küsisin eile 2,5 aastaselt kas ma saaksin ühe kalli? Vastuseks tuli:” sa võid kallistada minu jänest kui tahad!” Lapse sõnum oli selge ja seda tuleb austada. Samas mõni tund hiljem tuli ta minu juurde ja ütles:” Kadi, ma tahan sinu kallistust!” – muidugi ta sai need kallistused.

Lapsele vankrit valides soovitan alati valida selline mille istumise suunda saab muuta. Ise eelistan neid kus laps on seljaga sõidu suunas ja näoga minu poole.
Esiteks – maandab see võimalust, et keegi vastu tulev inimene või ühistranspordis reisijad saaksid last põsest sikutada, näpuga ribide vahele surada või kes teab mida kõike veel teha.
Teiseks – kui lapsel on midagi käes, et seda suhu panna või jääb hoopis vankris magama, siis on mul ülevaade mida ta teeb ja vajadusel saan kohandada vankri asendit magamiseks või eemaldada võõrkeha suust.

Kui olen suhelnud värskete lapsevanematega, siis 85% öeldakse, et neile üldse ei meeldi, et keegi nende last puutub või sülle tahab võtta ning tuntakse ennast halvasti kui öeldakse vanavanematele, et beebi sülle võtmisega võiks pigem oodata.

Olen kirjutanud ka teemal beebide- ja väikelaste musitamise kohta : 

https://kadiandbabies.com/2017/10/08/arge-musitage-beebit-huultele/

https://www.itv.com/news/granada/update/2019-02-11/gran-warns-of-dangers-of-kissing-babies/?fbclid=IwAR1jndXj8HlNhXWzR2Q6-JxWUNg_Y_h-3ra8102tyrDsB1TnMJDRTu-B-_4

Varasemalt olen kirjutanud teemal laste piltide avaldamine sotsiaalmeedias:
https://kadiandbabies.com/2019/07/19/beebi-ja-vaikelaste-piltide-interneti-avarustesse-riputamine/

NB! Pilt on illustreeriv ja pärineb internetist.

Hea lapsevanem, palun kaitse oma last võõraste käte- ja silmapaaride eest ja austa oma lapse otsust füüsilise kontakti loomisel teise inimesega. Sinu laps ei tea, et tema keha on tema keha, aga sina tead!

#MyBodyBoundaries

Kadi 

Beebi- ja väikelaste piltide interneti avarustesse riputamine.

(Postitus on algselt avaldatud 2017 detsember Kadi ja Beebid Facebooki lehel)

Mitu kuud tagasi hakkasin kirjutama- ja materjali otsima selle kohta, et kuidas on seadusega kaitstud väikelapsed, seda sellest vaatenurgast kui kasutatakse lapse pilti oma kontodel ja hiljem kommentaariumites.

Ma ei räägi nendest fotodest kus perega on käidud fotograafi juures või sünnipäeva pilt tordil küünla puhumisest.
Ma räägin sellest kui riputatakse lapsest paljaid pilte. Olgu selleks siis suvine rannas viibimine, veesõda koduaias, iseseisvalt söömine või vanni pildid. Maailmas on palju haigeid inimesi, miks neid rahuldada ja lasta kuritarvitada teie lapse piltidega?!?!!!

Tekkis küsimus, kui keegi kasutab täiskasvanu pilti oma kontol, siis on tegu identiteedi vargusega, aga kuidas on lood väikelastega?

Palusin teema osas veebikonstaabel Maarja Punak kommentaari, kes vastas :”Lapse piltide kasutamise õigus on mõlemal vanemal kuni lapse täisealiseks saamiseni. See ei ole identiteedivargus, oleks juhul, kui nad kontole paneksid ka lapse nime ja see on kokkuvõttes kaheldava väärtusega, kuigi, mitte keelatud, kuna antud juhul on lapse õigused kaitstud, seda tehakse vanemate nõusolekul. Kui konto aga teeks keegi lähisugulastest, siis see võiks olla menetlemist väärt asi.”

Kui uurisin, kas tõesti pole ühtegi seadust, mis last kaitseks, vastas veebikonstaabel Punak :”Lastekaitseseaduse üldsätted: oma tegevuses peab lapsevanem lähtuma alati lapse huvidest ja heaolust. Paljas beebipilt ei ole keelatud pilt, küll aga on küsimus heas maitses ja eetikas.”

Kus maalt jookseb piir sobivate- ja sobimatute piltide vahel? Kas võiks teatud fotos siiski hoida kodus oma albumis, mitte kõigiga jagada? Kas laps täiskasvanuna oleks uhke oma vanemate üle, kes temast paljaid pilte on internetiavarustesse riputanud beebi/väikelapsena?!

Siinkohal tahaksin oma jutuga lihtsalt meelde tuletada lapsevanematele, et mõtle enne hoolega kui mõne pildi oma lapsest interneti riputad.

Kadi 

Babies and clear noses!

Did you know that only around their third or fourth month babies start breathing through their mouths? This means that before they only get oxygen through nasal breathing. But their nasal pathways are only a couple of millimetres wide and there’s not that much space for anything else. So how well a newborn can breathe will depend on the people around them.

Most parents don’t know how to clear a baby’s nose, or are scared to hurt them. So I’d advise to seek help from a pharmacy (in Estonia there’s Südameapteek) or from a GP’s Office. Or if you happen to meet me, I’d be happy to help.

Also, when choosing a saline nasal spray, it’s important to check for any age restrictions to make sure it’s safe to use on newborns.

So how to clear a baby’s nose?
Take the baby into an upright position, with their side against your stomach, and spray the saline solution into both nostrils. Wait a moment until the mucus/liquid starts coming out. Then take a nasal aspirator (one end goes into your mouth and the other end into the baby’s nostril) and you can suction the excess mucus out. I usually wait a couple minutes before going in with the nasal aspirator, as quite often the baby sneezes and everything comes out a lot easier. This procedure can also be done a couple times in a row if necessary.

How often should I do it?
At least twice a day. But if you hear a slurring sound when breathing (meaning air doesn’t move well through the nasal pathways), then even more often. After using the nasal aspirator, always make sure to wash both the aspirator and the spray’s nozzle (after each use I wash it off and throw everything into a steriliser alongside with bottles and dummies).

I personally don’t recommend bulb syringes (if you remember the egg-shaped devices with a small long tip), as the pressure is harsh and can damage the inner tissue lining.

I’d also recommend getting an air humidifier (into the bedroom), as baby’s nasal passages can get very dry. In most cases the humidity levels are not enough for the baby. If you wake up and your own nose feels dry from the inside, then that’s a first sign you should perhaps think about getting one.

NB! If you start writing a list of things you need to prepare for the baby, then I’d definitely recommend adding a saline nasal spray, a nasal aspirator for babies and an air humidifier (unless you already have these in your list).

And if your baby has problems eating and sleeping, then first check when and how you last cleared their little nose.

Feel free to share this post with expecting mums and dads,

Kadi

Second baby on the way, what now?!

Lots of families boast how wonderful everything has been with the first baby. Families also wish to have their children with a small age gap so they can grow and play together. So it’s definitely normal for people to ask about your plans for the second baby, and they’ll never forget to mention that it’ll be very hard if the gap is too big. I could keep listing comments like these, and it would be a never-ending list.

Is it actually harder if the children have a bigger age gap?

I’ve worked for a family whose children were 5 years apart and I really liked it, as I could discuss the worlds wonders and issues while the baby’s asleep. Also I think it’s very sweet to let the older sibling choose the clothes for the baby, as that helped the older child get used to the new situation and feel the importance of their spot in the family. It was also an assurance that their opinion counted and was heard!

So you announce the expected second baby with great joy. Now you should be only happy as you have things left over (and still in a great condition) from the first child, and so there is not that many things you’d need to prepare. Also you’re much wiser and theoretically you should have a good level of confidence in your parenting skills. Don’t worry that you’ll need to go through everything again, as this time you’ll know when and who to ask for help, and how to use the people who offer their help.

You believe that your friends and family are very excited about the new addition to the family? Well, they’ll definitely have an endless stream of questions to create some panic!

Most frequent question/phrases:

– Do you already have a nursery spot for the older child?

– The baby will need the crib, have you prepared a bigger bed for the older child?

– Most moms in your circle will see you as a client and will try to sell you their old things. Yes, sell, and not give!

– It’s also very common along friends (especially the most helpful ones) who say you’ll definitely need a new pram, and guess what? Their own friend is just selling theirs, so definitely don’t go buying a new one!

And so on.

What should you keep in mind with the second child?

– Jealousy can turn the harmonious family upside down and create unnecessary stress for the parent staying at home.

– Don’t rush with taking the older child out of the crib, as sleeping in a crib doesn’t have an age limit. From my own experience I can say every child is different. You shouldn’t go for radical changes with the older child (the family I work for has a 2.5-year-old who happily sleeps in his own crib, as that makes him feel safe).

It’ll be a big psychological change for the older child anyway. So, I’d actually recommend getting a new crib for the second baby (and yes, the family I work for has 2 cribs).

Should I send the older child to nursery?

Why should the child be punished if they love staying at home with mom/dad and love playing in the park/playground. The usual story that the older child has to be sent away in order to spend time with the new baby is completely wrong and only instigates hatred, jealousy and ill feelings between the siblings. Did you know that psychologically the older child will feel the same as if you are with your partner and they bring in another partner, while at the same time repeating how much they love you? Would you believe him/her? No, definitely not. The same applies for your older child.

– To ease any tension I recommend writing down all the things the older child can help with. For example, if you need a new diaper for the baby, then you can ask for help. Bathing both of them together can also be fun for everyone, but of course never leave them alone in the tub (which is very dangerous). During bathing time you can all play with water and bath toys.

– When the baby is brought home for the first time, make a bigger sort of a gift for the older child. That way they will understand it’s not a bad idea at all to have a baby in the house.

– Ask family and friends to bring a gift for the older child instead of the baby, or if they insist, then perhaps something for them both. Baby doesn’t care about things, but the older child does need support and appreciation.

– Plan your day in a way that both children get at least 1 hour per day with each parent, where you do something or play a game that the older child likes. Whether it’s playing with lego, colouring/drawing or preparing dinner together.

– If before the second baby, the activities included music lessons or play-dates with friends, then do not stop these with the arrival of a new baby. Rather try to make these happen and plan your time more.

– In regards to a pram, you could think about getting a small bike or a kids scooter. You should also communicate to the toddler that the baby will go into the pram now and that they’ll become the big sister/brother. I would actually recommend a scooter as it’s lighter, takes less space, you can take it on a bus or tram, and is a lot easier to put in a car. My personal favourite brand is https://www.micro-scooters.co.uk

I also wish to bring forth an example from a family who I currently work for. Some time ago the mom offered the older child to go to a gymnastics class together, and to leave the baby at home with me. Then surprisingly the toddler’s response was: ‘No, she comes with us and won’t stay home alone!’

I always say that we can’t leave the baby at home and should take them along, and that we won’t cancel any play-dates because of the baby. And that the baby needs to get accustomed to our schedule.

Additional information:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YovXHOFtLrE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNGnnuBy10s

Have a great weekend!

Kadi

 

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑